A Kevin and Bean Glossary

Nick the Sign Holder

Posted in Alex, Nick the Sign Holder by Aaron Burr on March 9, 2007

An unsophisticated (but good natured) listener known for his high-pitched voice, his seemingly endless enthusiasm, his job holding signs by the side of the road, and for his unrequited affection for attractive women, especially Alex. He has also come to be jokingly known as Nick the Window Licker, a term that refers to kids who ride the short bus (which caught on in the wake of Tiger Wood’s controversial use of the term “spaz”).

Among his other exploits, Nick participated in an unaired MTV reality show about virgins, and had his first screenplay analyzed by members of the show, who found it to be long, overly detailed, and generally a passion project that only Nick would appreciate.


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  1. typonymph said, on April 28, 2008 at 7:16 pm

    I had been shopping for an outfit for Julie’s Birthday Bash for 2 straight days and finally just decided to go with a black lace-up boned corset top and some relaxed jeans. My best friend Melissa had been telling me about this occasion for what seemed like forever so I wanted to look good. We finished up our make-up and hair then headed down to the car to make our way to Long Beach which was an hour and 15 minutes away.
    “What do you mean my card is denied?” Melissa looked astonished at the gas station clerk holding her pack of smokes for ransom. Melissa had been locked out of her bank account for “suspicious behavior”. Who knew a pair of jeans, 12 boy cut panties and a 40 would be out of her routine? Now we had to think up of a way to find $20 to cover the cover-charge at the door to the nightclub we were going to.
    Sachi Bar was supposedly THE place to go on a Saturday night. We arrived after driving by it 3 times. Half-running we beelined it to the front of the line explaining all what happened and begging to be let in. With surprise the bouncer lifted the velvet rope and told us to enter. Julie had informed him that we were coming. Inside we found Julie and three of her friends she had already met up with. I was introduced to only two of them.. the other friend (Nick) just stared and said nothing. I didn’t even know if he was part of the group or not so I smiled and quietly left for the bar where I ordered one $5 beer for myself.
    The night went on. The band “The Spazmatics” went up on stage and played their first half of songs. As I rocked out to 80’s tribute I felt I was being watched. I stopped dancing and looked around at my surroundings, there was Nick again who had not introduced himself. He wasn’t even facing the band but looking directly at me again. I felt I was in some sort of horror movie where the loud music fades as the ominous music becomes louder right as something scary happens. Once again I smiled then turned to the band and greeted them with a roaring cheer as they began to play Love Cats by the Cure.
    Sweaty and exhausted my friends and I headed for the smoking section on the patio. I turned around to speak to Melissa who had just said she needed to go to the restroom when once again I was met with one of Nick’s “Creepy” looks.
    “That’s the Window Licker”, Julie’s friend Eli whispered to me.
    “Window LICKER?”, I said with confusion.
    “Yeah, you ever listen to Kevin and Bean? He’s the Window Licker. He works with KROQ.”
    Now, Don’t get me wrong. I love KROQ. I fondly remember the times I would sit along side my mom in her pick up truck on her way to work listening to Kevin and Bean, laughing at the skits and trying to call in for concert tickets to see the spin doctors.
    I sat down on the ledge of a planter and lit up a cigarette. The window licker approached me.
    “My Names Nick, so…. what’s your story?”
    I laughed at his choice of words. The last time I had heard the phrase “So what’s your story?” It was a story my mom had told me about a mail man walking up to a house to deliver a parcel and a man dressed as a woman with nerf football boobies answers the door with a cigar in his mouth. The mail man just looks at the she-male and says “So what’s your story?”
    After my giggle I tell him the basics; my name, where I live and my age. By this point Nick has sat down next to me. He then says he was a 24 year old frustrated writer. This of course sparks my interest.
    “What are you writing about?” I ask.
    “I’m writing a fantasy story.”
    “Oh, Mythological creatures and such?”
    “Oh, more sensual.. My main character is this busty blonde” A smile crosses his lips and his eyes light up, the kind of look only a pedophilic camp counselor at Sawtooth Camp School for the Deaf and the Blind in Idaho would have. By this time I am scrambling for something to say. Not wanting to give Nick the wrong impression I start to politely excuse myself, however before I can even manage he leans into my blonde pony tail and says;
    “I really Love blonde’s.. I mean REALLY loooooove blonde’s mMmm.” We both fell silent. Petrified I flicked my cigarette and calmly stood up.
    “Well it was great meeting you Nick, I’m going to get some air THIS way..”
    I was then antagonized by my friends on what happened. Apparently I had a distant look in my eyes and was trying to light my cigarette the wrong way. After giving myself some time to pull myself together I entered the club once more. Everything was going well. I danced, twirled and then caught Nick taking pictures of me. Somewhat flattered but more so paranoid I made my way to the other side of the dance floor and let the others have fun. Lets just say the rest of the night I was teased for being the window licker’s flavor of the night.
    He sure made my night a memorable one and for that I’m happy.

  2. Who cares said, on July 21, 2009 at 5:49 pm

    Hey typonymph. SHUT UP!

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