A Kevin and Bean Glossary

FBI, The

Posted in Bean, FBI, The by Aaron Burr on March 9, 2007

Bean happened upon a clip of somebody weirdly exlaiming “The FBI!” (which nobody else found remotely fascinating) and then went about inventing a reason to play it on the show.  Subsequently, listeners and other members of the show have attempted to create reasons to play the clip in similar non sequitur fashion.  The less relevant the clip is to the topic at hand, the more pleasure is derived.

Hot Bell, The

Posted in Bean, Ding!, Hot Bell, Kevin, King of Mexico by Aaron Burr on March 9, 2007

Bean often rings a bell at the mention of an attractive woman’s name. The practice extends to when callers specifically greet Lisa May, usually with a suggestive tone. At one point, a children’s bicycle bell was used when attractive but underage stars were mentioned, such as the Olsen Twins and Lindsey Lohan. The cowbell is also used for larger women like Oprah Winfrey.

Bean’s judgment in using the bell has come into question at points, leading to debates over whether a particular woman (such as Hayden Panettiere) is “bell worthy”. Kevin has also taken to playing a backward-playing bell sound effect to undo Bean ringing the bell for people such as Zac Efron and Betty White.

In April 2009, a gong sound effect was introduced for use with unattractive women (i.e. Kirsten Dunst). The possible use of a Chewbacca growl as a negative bell was suggested, but Dave the King of Mexico’s attempt to make such a noise was hilariously weak. An actual clip of the Star Wars character has since been used.

Jet packs

Posted in Bean, Jet packs by Aaron Burr on March 9, 2007

Bean often talks about how he longs for the day when space age “jet packs” will be an everyday accessory.

On one show, Bean was surprised by the rest of the staff when the subject of a call-in interview was a Mexican man who had built his own jet pack. Not surprisingly, Bean was familiar with the inventor and engaged him in a passionate conversation about his project.

Jury duty

Posted in Bean, Jury duty by Aaron Burr on March 9, 2007

One of Bean’s many quirks is his desire to serve on a jury. Inexplicably, he’s never received a summons for jury duty and it gives him great pain when listeners call in to report receiving theirs.

Nope.com

Posted in Bean, Kevin, Nope.com by Aaron Burr on March 9, 2007

A sarcastic way to respond in the negative, originating in an interview with the founder of a website, LATaketheLions.com, which encouraged the relocation of the horrible Detroit Lions to Los Angeles. Kevin quipped that he was going to start his own site, “nope.com”. As the term gained popularity on the show, Bean explored the possibility of purchasing the URL, but found that the owner of the name was seeking a six-figure payoff, quickly ending the likelihood that Bean would own yet another undeveloped domain name.

Point for Cake

Posted in Bean, Money, Point for Cake, Ralph by Aaron Burr on March 9, 2007

A once-recurring bit titled “The Burning Question” featured staffers (usually Ralph and Money) debating a pointless topic while Bean would keep score of who was winning the contest. One such debate, ‘Which is better, cake or pie?’ lead to the catch phrases “point for cake” meaning something good and “point for pie” meaning something bad. Soon after the bit ran, a caller claimed that the phrases were being used on the set of The Shield and that guest star Glenn Close started using them herself.

Post Office, The

Posted in Bean, Post Office by Aaron Burr on March 9, 2007

Bean has had a lifelong fascination with the Post Office as demonstrated by the hanging of a photo of the Postmaster General on the wall of his bedroom as a boy. Bean confesses to delaying correspondence so as to require as many trips to the Post Office as possible.

Bean refers to the current Postmaster General as “‘Sweet’ Jack Potter”, much to the dismay of the rest of the show.

Smith, Matt “Money”

Posted in Bean, Former staff, Money by Aaron Burr on March 9, 2007

Former Kevin and Bean sports reporter, now does pre-game, post-game, and half-time reports for the Los Angeles Lakers on AM570. He also co-hosts a drive time sports talk show with Petros Papidakis, himself a frequent guest of the Kevin and Bean show, titled “The Petros and Money Show (or PMS)” Monday through Friday from 4-7 on AM570.

Due to budget restraints, K&B never found a permanent replacement for Money, so Money returns or calls in from time to time when big sports events are in the news. Among the topics that come up is the annual bet between Money and Bean over whose baseball team will do better. Bean has had to pay Money “100 credits” for 7 years running and often sends the money as inconveniently as possible, such as in Susan B. Anthony dollars, 100 separately-mailed singles, and in pesos.

Thanks for that info, Bean!

Posted in Bean, Thanks for that info Bean by Aaron Burr on March 9, 2007

A recurring bit wherein Kevin, Ralph and the others recount recent off-the-air episodes during which Bean attempted to strike up conversations about obscure subjects that only he finds interesting. Initially an opportunity to mock Bean for his odd tastes, it later became a demonstration of Bean’s anti-social quirks as he often asks unanswerable questions (“Why does ______ taste so good?”) and dwells on topics that he knows that nobody else cares about.

In general, attempts to minimize Bean’s annoying behavior by exposing it on-air are never successful. On the contrary, it is likely that dwelling on Bean’s deliberately ridiculous behavior increases the likelihood that he will continue it. See also, Bean’s Blog.

Tombaugh, Clyde

Posted in Bean, Pluto by Aaron Burr on March 9, 2007

Among Bean’s interests is his fascination with Clyde Tombaugh, the astronomer who discovered Pluto. The “demotion” of Pluto from planethood caused Bean great anguish, but did not deter his efforts to petition the Post Office for a Clyde Tombaugh stamp.

Wh- wh- why is the dollar so low?

Posted in Bean, Wh- wh- why is the dollar so low? by Aaron Burr on March 9, 2007

A recurring joke at Bean’s expense, it refers to the time when Bean tried to flirt with a beautiful female guest (Rachel Nichols) by asking a question related to her past study of economics, but was completely off-topic and in no way made Bean more appealing in any way.

Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald, The

Posted in Bean, Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald by Aaron Burr on March 9, 2007

Another of Bean’s unexplainable obsessions is the wreck of this American ship and the Gordon Lightfoot song written about it. Bean owns a still-undeveloped website on the subject.