A Kevin and Bean Glossary

Alex, Producer

Posted in Alex, Current staff by Aaron Burr on March 9, 2007

A woman behind the scenes whose on-air contributions are usually limited to voicing “Britney Spears” and occasionally relating her own various sexual experiences, earning her the light-hearted nickname of “Whore” (or “Superwhore” as she’s known on the Christmas CD “Super Christmas”).

Alex was promoted to producer circa April 2008 and prior to that was referred to as “Assistant Producer Alex”, a moniker that occasionally slips out now.

Cleo, Miss

Posted in Cleo, Miss, Current staff by Aaron Burr on March 9, 2007

A phone screener for the show, her on-air nickname is derived from her Egyptian heritage (as in Cleopatra) and also serves as a easy reminder of her large breasts (referred to as pyramids). A young woman raised in the era of Microsoft “Spell Check”, she has been found to be an absolutely atrocious speller.

Doc on the ‘Roq

Posted in Current staff, Doc by Aaron Burr on March 9, 2007

The surly newsman whose 60-second reports are interspersed throughout the show, his patience is often tested by K&B’s needling and insults, giving the jokes about Doc “going postal” a certain air of authenticity. Funny moments include a call-in segment called “What’s in Doc’s Butt?,” and the airing of conversations Lisa May secretly recorded when giving Doc a ride to work. His short-lived weekend news program proved that he didn’t need K&B around in order to fly off the handle.

Figster, The

Posted in Current staff, Figster by Aaron Burr on March 9, 2007

A.k.a. Rockin’ Fig, the call-in correspondent responsible for the daily “Beach and Ski reports” which, while entertaining, are so heavily laden with lingo that they’re completely unintelligible to anyone who’s NOT a hardcore surfer/snowboarder.

Garman, Ralph

Posted in Current staff, Ralph by Aaron Burr on March 9, 2007

The Man of 1,000 Voices (Bush, Gore, Cruise, Pacino, Michael Jackson, the Pope, Jerry Lewis, Dylan are just some), Ralph covers the regular entertainment news segments and often acts as a substitute when Kevin or Bean is not present. He is also known to unleash hilariously bitter rants aimed at Kevin, Bean, 7-11 coffee lids, random celebrity stupidity, country music, and Joan freakin’ Rivers. A recurring joke at Ralph’s expense refers to his spending nearly 2 months filming “Two for the Money” with Al Pacino and Matthew McConaughey, only to have all but a few minutes of screen-time cut from the movie. He is also a Philadelphia native and a rabid Philadelphia Eagles fan. Ralph is a collector of Batman-related memorabilia and pines for the day when the 60’s television when finally be released on DVD.

Ralph is the unofficial sex expert on the show as he previously worked for Playboy TV and dated a porn star. For some time he hosted a weekly segment on the show called “Sex U.” which attempted to address sexual issues in an earnest and informative manner. The segment became one of the most notable victims of the FCC crackdown following the Janet Jackson “wardrobe malfunction”.

Khan, DJ Omar

Posted in Current staff, DJ Omar Khan by Aaron Burr on March 9, 2007

A staff member who works behind the scenes, often being the only person left behind when the show goes on the road. A running on-air joke told at each of the show’s remote events has the on-air guys relating exaggerated tales of Omar’s wild behavior only to have Omar interrupt and remind them that he’s still back at the studio while everybody else is having fun. Loves Tim Allen movies, hates Rachael Ray.

May, Lisa

Posted in Current staff, Lisa May by Aaron Burr on March 9, 2007

Ostensibly the traffic reporter, Lisa May chimes in during most of the segments, offering a female point of view, and is often the voice of reason. A good sport, she’s not above putting her own foibles under the microscope and providing a focal point for the recurring game “Lick Lisa.” A recurring joke on the show is that Kevin and Bean often try to offer other hot women the job of traffic reporter, at Lisa’s expense.

Lisa May has acquired aliases when guests are less than accurate with her name.  Regular guest Bobby Slayton often refers to Lis as “Ellie May the News Broad”.  In November 2009, Robert Rey (from TV’s “Dr. 90210”) referred to Lisa as “Callie”; a name that Lisa didn’t correct and which was subsequently adopted by listeners only a few minutes later.

Psycho Mike

Posted in Current staff, Psycho Mike by Aaron Burr on March 9, 2007

An assistant producer, Mike also is the fearless “man with a microphone” who conducts interviews in such uncomfortable places as the gym shower room and the Magic Johnson Theatres. He’s often kidded on the show about his bodybuilding career, ambiguous sexuality and his strange body-image neuroses. His tastes run to the extremes, ranging heavy metal music and the movie American Psycho, to having crushes on feminine men such as Jared Leto. He is also the voice behind the impersonations of Kevin Federline, Brandon Davis, KROQ DJ Jed the Fish, Gene Simmons, and Tom DeLonge.